Book lovin'

I got a huge stack of books out of the library recently. Not novels, more cook books, self help books, books about yoga. Ones I can read snippets of, like a magazine but with more weight. I’m hoping to whet my appetite again for reading. I have always been a huge reader, I chowed through so many novels as a kid. As a student books took a backseat to study, dvd’s became my escapist fix as they required minimal eye action, I could just listen to them. Starting off my working life they came back a bit, but with recent times they have died out altogether. My friend Thalia has lovingly lent me a few books, which have helped (Thalia has excellent book taste and her recommendations are always excellent and thoughtful). I think there is something magical about getting lost in a book that the internet or movies can’t provide. I love that books are so mobile, so one-on-one, they are intimate in a way movies can’t rival I love that all it takes is the book and me.

So here’s to hoping for many great books to come this year. Hopefully not all in the self help variety! I'm always after suggestions to, so please suggest away.

The continual refresh

There is something incredibly addictive about the continual refresh. It satistfies my crave for the constant wave of information and feelings of connection, yet also makes me feel increasingly needy as I want people to connect with me. There is a certain feeling of joy when seeing that little red “1” box on facebook appear, or seeing @alittlebitofgin on twitter that is hard to describe. And so it fuels my constant refresh action. It’s typically cyclical. Twitter, Facebook, Blog, Hotmail, Gmail, Blogs I stalk, cellphone, Twitter, Facebook. I think it may be a little soul destroying. I love it when people contact me, but I hate the feeling of not being contacted when they don’t. The mini depression of coming home to nothing new, of the text-less phone, the empty mailbox, the connectionless world. Usually I realise that I have done nothing to connect all day, so why should I expect connection? And then my thought train usually goes to “Gin, why on earth are you relying on other people connecting with you to make you feel happy or loved. Get a grip. Get a life. Get out.”

Which I have been attempting to do more of, well refresh only every 4^th minute instead of 3^rd.

Haircuts

I’m getting my haircut on Saturday. It’s one of those weird milestone. Isabel was always the one who wanted to get the low down on what I was getting and push me into braveness to try new things. Last haircut I got was just before I went to hang. We had mani’s booked with our favourite Korean lady who did a cheap and excellent job. When I arrived to pick her up she was too weak to get out of bed. It was the first time I saw how damn quickly things were moving. She couldn’t even paint her own nails. She did like my hair though. And I can paint others nails pretty ok, so the hangout worked well. We got to talk about death, or rather I talked from the deep scared part of me and she listened.

Missing you greatly Is. Wish you were around to send pix from the hairdresser and debate streaks and semi permanents with. To tell me off when I just get the same old style but tell me I look hot anyway. Maybe I’ll just text your empty cellphone number regardless and pretend.

Whatever gets you through the night I guess.

Earthquakes

Bit melancholic today. Big aftershocks have hit Christchurch with lots of people having huge losses – life being one of them.

I can’t handle the news today. I dislike it at the best of times – I see it as usually 30 minutes of gloom with sport and the odd cat story thrown in. Coverage of huge suffering and disasters is something that I just can’t take at the moment.

I thought that I’ve been doing quite well. Less tears, more forward movement in terms of grief, but today just brings it all back. I can’t comprehend mourning the loss that they must be going through, I’m just coping with my own today thanks.

So I'm sorry Christchurch. I do care. I just can't give it all my caring right now.

Peace

Driving home the other day I flicked the radio onto Life FM. The song that was playing was singing about how we are bring God’s peace to earth and perhaps something about unity, a generic Christian song that I’ve grown up singing along too, being glad to be bringing peace, doing a little back pat that I’m on the winning side, look at me, super girl, I’m pretty awesome. Yeah, I know it’s an extreme though train, and extremely smug at that.

Driving home though with that song playing, I tried to think of the last really peaceful act that I’d seen. Nil came to mind. Nil ‘Christian’ examples of a true act of peace were even close the surface. Mother Theresa may have surfaced for a little while, but other than that nothing.

Peace is one of those words thrown around so much. Yet it’s something I don’t feel is in abundance in my life, I don’t feel I project it or bring it to others. Sure I’m not out there being ‘anti peaceful’, I’m fence sitting really. So I’ve been wondering what a peaceful life would look like for me, for my community, friends etc. Interesting to ponder. Current implementation: nil. But that can be worked on!

Job Panic

One of the major downsides of not having a job is every few days I have what i'm coming to call "job panic". Its that horrid realisation that you are unemployed, have no job, have little money and soon you may have to call your parents for help. And then go visit WINZ. Today is a job panic day. I've found myself scouring Trademe and Seek and applying for all kinds of semi whacked out jobs.

Once I have applied for at least 5 jobs, the panic subsides and I can go back to plotting free and interesting things to do to fill my day. Current favouritea include high fat baking and repeat nail painting. Excellent ways to fill your day I feel.

Epic weekend of goodness

Friday: yoga, pizza, good conversation, sips of wine, nectarines, Waynes World, helping to put out the recycling, raspberry bullets/

Saturday: car washing, muffin making, room cleaning, Nitro Circus, car talks, date debriefs, tea drunken slowly

Sunday: mountain run, Nick, Powerade, cold beer, achievements, afternoon sleeps, dvd's, rice dinners, tired legs.

I wish all weekends were as good as this.

Back on the blogging bandwagon

I was hoping being at home a lot would leave me with all this spare energized to write all kinds of witty blog posts about engaging topics. Sadly not. The first 2 weeks of unemployment involved a lot of nothing. Long days spent lounging around in my PJ's until 2pm. I'm pretty sure the neighbours can describe my two pairs of PJ's to you know as I have no shame in checking the letter box, hanging out the washing, moving the cars and whatnot in them. Flip the courier man could probably also tell you as well. Time to get a decent dressing gown perhaps?

Now in week three of being jobless I'm finally starting to feel motivated to do things. Clean out long forgotten corners, make food for the freezer, try new raw recipes, write letters to my Grandma, and best of all... write some blogs. Hopefully funny ones.