Pity Party for 1

Training for an event is totally different than just exercising for fun.
I'm totally knackered tonight. Double training day of 45 minutes at the gym followed by a 30 minute run. My body is tired and telling me it bed and sleep time.
I've been feeling quite disheartened recently. I did a quarter marathon recently and it was hard work. And it was only 10km. And I got overtaken so so much in the race. And the girl I wanted to beat totally owned me. I guess when you are training away by yourself its easy to feel fast and superior? I don't have many people around me to compare myself with, I guess I've built up the view of myself higher than it should be. Last Sunday was a totally knocking me back into place thing. One of the worst bits was getting the e-mail with the race pictures. I had a vision of a sleek, strong racer girl. The pics look a little like the opposite.
Its hard to know how much self talk to give myself. I'm never going to be a very fast athlete. I'm never going to win. I'm going to have to push myself. I guess I just wish I was GOOD at something.

Time to restart reading positive literature again. "The Winner's Bible" currently holds a place on my bedside table. I should read it more. Tell myself encouraging little things. That this triathlon is for me. Not to prove myself to any one else. Just to prove to myself that I can do it and admire how far I've come. And I will do it. Even if I come last. And thats ok. I've come last before (on national tv no less) and it sucked a bit and then I mainly forgot.

Pity party over. Early night time.