Pity Party for 1

Training for an event is totally different than just exercising for fun.
I'm totally knackered tonight. Double training day of 45 minutes at the gym followed by a 30 minute run. My body is tired and telling me it bed and sleep time.
I've been feeling quite disheartened recently. I did a quarter marathon recently and it was hard work. And it was only 10km. And I got overtaken so so much in the race. And the girl I wanted to beat totally owned me. I guess when you are training away by yourself its easy to feel fast and superior? I don't have many people around me to compare myself with, I guess I've built up the view of myself higher than it should be. Last Sunday was a totally knocking me back into place thing. One of the worst bits was getting the e-mail with the race pictures. I had a vision of a sleek, strong racer girl. The pics look a little like the opposite.
Its hard to know how much self talk to give myself. I'm never going to be a very fast athlete. I'm never going to win. I'm going to have to push myself. I guess I just wish I was GOOD at something.

Time to restart reading positive literature again. "The Winner's Bible" currently holds a place on my bedside table. I should read it more. Tell myself encouraging little things. That this triathlon is for me. Not to prove myself to any one else. Just to prove to myself that I can do it and admire how far I've come. And I will do it. Even if I come last. And thats ok. I've come last before (on national tv no less) and it sucked a bit and then I mainly forgot.

Pity party over. Early night time.

Grapefruit

http://xkcd.com/388/

I love xkcd. its like they summed up life neatly.
apart from grapefruit. they are actually delicious.

Next time I'm going to choose a nicer goal

Why on earth did I have to choose a flippin triathalon to keep me busy?? Why didn't I choose something like "learn what to do with primer", "figure out how to change to oil in my car", "go speed dating". No, i chose NONE of those. And thought oh goody, a triathalon, I can barely swim 25m, don't own a bike, have been told not to run by the physio, but no wait, that sounds like an excellent challenge. What was I bloody thinking.

Started new training regime this week. Bit dead. Bit tired. Bit angry at the world. I need a holiday, but I just got back from one. Maybe I'll just hide in bed this weekend between my long run and recovery swim.