Working from home is an oxymoron

So this week I'm working on reports, polices and procedures from home.

And needless to say I'm finding this a bit of an uphill slog.

Home is quite lonely. I haven't had any human interaction all day and interaction with Charlie the kitten has been brief and not all that fulfilling.

Home has now changed from my safe haven to the place I'm quite keen to get away from. Is home only sweet when you are able to return to it? Or is it just made sweet by that fact? Or perhaps if Iwas home for reasons other than work, ie. leisure and I didn't feel guilty about time not spent productively working it would be a happier place.

Maybe tomorrow instead of setting up the kitchen table as my office I might trek down to my local library and enjoy silent/stealth communication with others and look forward to coming home to my haven.

Everyones getting hitched...

So I've gotten to that age in life when everyone around me is starting to get engaged/married/knocked up. It's a slightly scary place to be when I'm currently not keen to settle down, I'm more interested in seeing the world, having my own space (really this just means money) and having fun with a variety of people and not worry about having a significant other/dependant to rely on.

People ask me often if I have children and i'm not sure why? Maybe my clothes are a bit mummy like? Perhaps I just look like the type of person that has settled down with kids? In reality I'd like to look the opposite, like the type of person who has just come back from an exotic overseas adventure and has a weird new scar/accent/phrase/tan line/virus.

I feel equal a pressure from society/media/community to be both single and carefree and married and contributing to society at the same time.

Movies keep telling me two contrasting views:

1). I wont be complete until I have a significant other who does incredibly romantic things for me/rescues me/solves all of my problems.

2). Once I'm married I wont be that happy and will fight with my husband a lot and want more excitement, but my saving grace is my children who I love.

My question is... Is there a middle ground? Can there be some inspiring movies about young women who want to adventure first, not keep getting their heart broken, have no children and find happiness without a man? Or is that wishful thinking?

Even though no one will make a movie about my life, I'm going to try to above model for the next little while. Have fun adventuring, sorting out myself, solving some of my own issues and cuddle other peoples children until they cry and then give them back

wildbean fail

car = no warrant & no rego.

work drop with flatmate = 7:10 leaving time.

wildbean coffee = treat of morning

large decaf latte request = large normal coffee.

large normal coffee= trouble holding pen, dizzyness, nausea, loss of fine motor skills for a large portion of the morning and being awake at 12:58 to write a blog.

not my favourite friday.

Tattoo Loving

I would like a tattoo. A cool individual tattoo that is neither tacky or something I’m going to regret the instant I get it done. I keep seeing tattoos on these strong, fierce (as Tyra would say) looking women at the gym and its changing my views a little. However, If I were to get one, said tattoo must:

1). Be nowhere my parents can see until I reach a respectable mature age when I have the language and age to back myself up. Of the three things my mother made me vow not to do when I left home, getting a tattoo was one of them.

2). Be nowhere that peeks rudely out of a wedding dress. “And the bride wore white with a rose bud tattoo peaking out of her cleavage” is not my vision of beautiful.

3). Be something mysterious. Ie. Not something that a million other girls have... a dolphin/rose/cartoon character/lovers nameslashinitial and I think it should speak of your personality and character and be something meaningful.

4). Be something I love. What I love changes quite a lot. Sometimes I love blue, sometimes I love red, mainly I just love purple but it differs a lot. Said tattoo must be continuously loveable. Which limits it down a whole lot.

5). Be in a place that is not going to severely wrinkle and mutate with age/pregnancy/fat. Again, which limits it down a whole lot.

But in saying this all, I’m the sort of person who isn’t brave enough to dye her hair as change semi scares me. And I figure permanent tattoo is around 14 slots higher on the scare scale (buying a house, backpacking around Thailand, one day deciding to procreate are all things on that scale) and maybe I should start a little smaller.

One of those times when you realise how much of a winner your church is

Its been a pretty tough past week this week. One of the main highlights was realising that I really wanted to go to my church and be enveloped by my church community and just taken care of on a spiritual deeper, community level. Which is something I haven't felt in a while. And then to be feed vegan soup and large hunks of sourdough bread while talking with people 4x my age at a shared church lunch is one of those small joys I'm going to treasure and hold close through the next few weeks of tough times.

Trademe Dates

My mum rung me tonight purely to tell me that i should buy some awesome as drawers on trade me. And then convinced me that I should definitely have them in my life, and then proceeded to bid on them for me. The next 22 minutes included battling it out with 'poncho' who seemed determined to wait until they had 39 seconds to go before adding a measly dollar. My Mum tried to 'scare them off' off by going up to rounded figures. It must of worked as numerous countdowns and numerous page refreshes later, I'm now the proud owner of 2 matching wooden bedside drawers. They need a small touch up, but mum has also volunteered to send me up the needed bits and pieces to fix them up. And she (in true winning style) has agreed to pay half. Weird to realise that your mum is a bit of a trademe adrenaline junkie. Not a bad thing at all, it's a fun thing. And also really nice to still be taken care of by your parents, even when you've lived out of home for coming up 6 years.

So now I get to go pick them up and spend the next day rearranging my room and getting rid of my handpainted bright yellow and red drawers, which BTW, I still defend is a good colour choice, and no Dan, I would not have chosen different colours if I was to ever redo them!

Best ways to cope with work stress...

1. RPM. Hitting the gym and in particular hitting up a couple of RPM classes a week has been fantastic. For 45 minutes all that really matters is your legs going around as fast as they possibly can and trying to not draw attention to yourself from the intense instructor. It makes you feel strong. It makes your worries fade.

2. Cooking. Making super yummy nutritious meals that make my appetite come back are always a winning day to deal with tough times. Plus putting good food into your body gives you that awesome buzz and feeds you and boosts up your b vitamin levels for the next day.

3. Baths with goodies from Lush. Lush is seriously one of my favourite shops. Full of yummy smells and possibilities of smelling like that all over! I love their Ma Bar bubble bath, Honeymooner massage bar, Honey I shrunk the kids soap and Dream Time temple balm. All my favourite picks for a bath night. A glass of bailieys and milk makes it complete.

4. New nail polish. Superficial i know, but nothing beats down typing away at work and looking down and seeing little lilac nails glimmering away. Gets you through a Friday quick smart.

5. Watching The Devil Wears Prada. Preferably in bed. Or on pay week when you can dream about buying expensive handbags and boots. And lets face it, as tough as work gets it can't get much tougher than being forced to find flights home for Miranda Presely during a storm. Makes me feel better everytime. The Freedom Writers is also a winner, esp for teachers :)